Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
