We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
