Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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