have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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