32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
