I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
