I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
