dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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