I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
