Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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