he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
