All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
barbara walters just said penis...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
