I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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