She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
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I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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