Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize