Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
