Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
