If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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