you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
