His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
