if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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