Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
