I wish I could punch you in the face.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
