i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize