just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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