do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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