A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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