both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
