So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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