I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
