I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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