im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize