craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
