You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
