Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
