while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
