I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
