shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
