Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
