dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
