Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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