I puked a lego.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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