can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
