how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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