I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
