Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
