So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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