so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
