Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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