I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
