I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
