There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
