yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
