so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
