I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
