girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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