Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
