have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
