I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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