walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
