I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
well you can't waste a boner
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
