Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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