So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
