tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Less talking, more tequila
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How naked do you want me to be?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
