I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
