he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
