I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
