return my video game
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
