the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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