I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
